Vincent Pastorelli and his girlfriend...sad stuff. I liked his appearances in movies. He died of a self-injection of narcotics. So stupid, so sad. It makes me angry sometimes. It's like, those type of self-destructive successful people always go the same sad way. Drugs, suicide, some weird murder. It's like the angels of death are up there shooting craps for which cliche way this person gets to pass away.
Whooo...hooo! Finally, a break from school. :D We don't have class tomorrow, or Monday. I'm so happy! I really need these days off.
I don't have a darn thing to do either...well, besides study for a test that I'll have in Sanitation on Wednesday. But, I'm not going to think about that right now.
Hmmm...what's the weather going to be like? Looks like high 40's/low 50's. Well, I guess that's good for "The Pitts".
OMGoodness I'm so happy right now. All I can think is movies, Movies, MOVIES. And, depending on what's what, I may get to go clubbing. *she jumps for joy on the inside* :P
I love it on the days I don't have to work. I am so looking forward to going straight home and doing NADA :!:
I am falling asleep as I type, but I wanted to document this epiphany that I had yesterday. I was sitting waiting for the cafe to open so that I could get my dinner. Out of the blue, this guy came to speak to me. It looked like he had that cleft palate problem.
Anywho, he was speaking to me about how good it is to have the support of family when you're trying to accomplish something. When he said that, I had a brief flash of memory of how I used to feel when I knew that, at the end of the day, I could always go back home and feel comfortable...because it was home. My grandmother and grandfather were there, and even though it wasn't always the happiest of times, at least I had some stability.
I miss that sometimes. Both grandparents are dead. Father is dead as well. There's no home sweet home for me. It's not that I'm sad about it. It's just that I hadn't had that feeling in a long time. It was a nice warm feeling, if only for a very short while.
I also was shocked at how friendly this guy was. I've been saying all along how I hate "The Pitts" and how everyone seems to be rude and hateful, and here is this guy coming to talk to me, cleft palate problem and all.
Let's see, how can I get to the point? I notice there are a lot of disabled people here. I have to be in class with some people who are disabled in a way. At first, it was really difficult adjusting to "being around" this type of people, even to the point you have to work with them. I found myself being very impatient and a bit uncomfortable. I honestly don't know how I got this way...intolerant to a degree. :oops: I remember a time when I was very good at working with all kinds of people...
Anywho, speaking with this guy kind of brought back some of my humanity, so to speak. His conversation made me see the human in him rather than the "disabled" that labels him.
So there it is. Two "really good feelings", or cathartic feelings if you would, all wrapped up into one conversation. Is that G*d trying to reach me?
blog! I think I'm suffering from withdrawal. It's like the first thing I did when I got to school this AM was to check and see if tblog.com was back up and running. That was a very long half-hour!
I first ran across this poem back in high school. It was really inspiring for me at the time. I just ran across it again. It's interesting how the same passage effects you in different ways after you've lived a little longer.
Desiderada
Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it's a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. -Max Erhmann- 1872 - 1945
OMGoodness, it's Easter weekend. I've got nothing special to do, but I'm in a good mood anyway.
African friend visited yesterday and showed me a nice new shopping center I can go to with a SuperStore Walmart! *yeah*. Stores like Walmart are a g*dsend for us lowly, poor students. We rented Gothika with Halle Berry...also this movie Intolerable Cruelty which may be funny (haven't watched that one yet) but at least it has Cedric the Entertainer in it. He is sooooo good... 8)
Gothika was a good movie. Very scary in some parts. Although, I can see where the critics didn't like it so much because the plot had a couple of sloppy loose ends, but you can't fault Halle for the new wave of less experienced/savvy directors and screenplay writers. *sigh, gotta switch over to the younger generations eventually, you know?*
African friend is such a gentlemen! He opens doors, pushes grocery carts, and paid for both videos. :shock: Now, as much of a loner and independent that I am, I'm not going to beg anyone or give hints for a guy to do that kind of stuff. So, it's even more impressive to me when a guy does it all on his own. So, even though I am sticking by my resolve to engage in no form of hanky-panky, African friend has definitely earned some brownie points as a good friend.
As a side note, he did try to "get closer", but as I already mentioned, I stuck by my resolve. I was so proud of myself. You feel much better the next morning when you don't give in. And, it's so much less hassle! Nothing to worry about because you didn't do anything, and no wondering about what weird things are going to happen to the friendship.
...and moving on...I love hanging out with men who show their good breeding. I suppose I have his African mom to thank for that! :P
Anywho, I wanted to see a current movie too, so I just might take myself to a matinee today.
I'm watching Drumline on HBO now. I really like this movie for some reason. I love the last "showdown" scene...makes me want to go back to my high school days when I was in band... :lol:
It may come, it may come as some surprise but I miss you I could see through, all of your lies But I stll miss you He takes her love, but it doesn't feel like mine He tastes her kiss, her kisses are not wine, they're not mine He takes, but surely she can't give what I'm feeling now She takes, but surely she doesn't know how
Is it a crime Is it a crime That I still want you And I want you to want me too
My love is wider, wider than vitoria lake My love is taller, taller than the empire state
It dives and it jumps and it ripples like the deepest ocean I can't give you more than that, surely you want me back
Is it a crime Is it a crime That I still want you And I want you to want me too
My love is wider than vitoria lake Taller than the empire state It dives and it jumps I can't give you more than that, surely you want me back
Is it a crime Is it a crime That I still want you And I want you to want me too
It dives and it jumps And it ripples like the deepest Ocean I can't give you more than that Surely you want me back
For now. I hate that feeling after you're finished with a test and you know you guessed wrong on a couple of answers! So annoying.
I guess I'll survive.
I did really well in Baking...and on my practical as well! I got a 96% on the written and 59/60 on the actual "making of the bread". I cannot believe it! We only had a chance to roll out crescents like ONCE. My first ones were soooo "booty". But, I guess by the grace of G*d the ones I rolled for the practical came out perfect! I cannot believe it. They look like real crescents!
Okay, enough of that. I really don't like to eat those things, but for the grade...what can you do?
Anywho....on to a well-deserved weekend. Oh, but I have to go to work first.... :( At least I get paid. I think I want to see a movie this weekend. There are so many out. Should I choose a fun one: Walking Tall, Secret Window? Or do something more serious: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?
...I don't know. HellBoy actually looks good to me too.
Well, I got my typing test done. One down, one to go...for today anyway. Che Stupidagine.
I only have one week left in this class. Whoohooo! So, after that, I won't have to be in until 9:30a instead of 8:30a. I am so all for that extra hour of sleep... :P
Now that the initial excitement of the morning is over, I'm getting sleepy again, but I still have so much more to do. I forgot to take my Vitamin C today, too. I hate it when I do that. I feel so much healthier when I've taken it.
but I'm not sure what this upset stomach is all about. Maybe my soy milk is going bad or something. I haven't been paying attention to the expiration date on it since I've been so much in a hurry in the mornings.
I didn't have any classes yesterday except for Baking because they wanted us to attend a career fair held at the school. I was going to just blow it off, but I ended up getting with a group of about 3 other students and actually spent a good amount of time there.
I'm glad I did because I picked up some good information for the externship I have to do next March. I really would like to go down to Florida for my externship. Walt Disney World had a representative there, and they did about an hour and 1/2 presentation. I really don't like how "structured" their program is. I mean, I am a grown woman...and already missing the freedoms of being out in "the real world. I also don't want to feel like I'm in a culinary "mill". No individuality, you know? But, they do give some great perks! And some of their restaurants produce really beautiful desserts.
My first choice would be to get into the Boca Raton Resort & Club :D That would be so great. The Exec. Chef was the rep., and I really would like to work under him. He had a nice style about him, like a chef you'd see on the Food Network. :P I've also been hearing good things about the beaches there :D
I have my written test in Baking tomorrow. I think I have my crescent practical tomorrow as well. Or maybe that's Friday? No, I think the Brioche is Friday.
*sigh* As long as I do well on the written part, the practicals shouldn't be that difficult.
I have another sanitation test on Friday as well. I have to do the chapter questions and practice tests for Ch. 5-8. What will I do tonight?
Study for Baking, and continue studying for Sanitation. My goal is to get through reading and questions for Ch. 5-7.
I don't even have time to type for reading everyone else's blogs!
Maybe I'll get back on later for a study break. I feel guilty...I'm not going in to work today because I pissed off my weekend instead of studying like I was supposed to.
I didn't get a chance to note that my weekend was a good one. :)
The b-day party and dancing afterward was great fun! I tried this new drink called "mojito"...not sure if that's how you spell it, but the j is pronounced like an h as in spanish.
Anywho, it is so nice to have someone think I'm attractive...=) African friend is a nice big guy...so I didn't mind dancing so close to him *wink*
An interesting thing happened, though. Let's see, how can I explain.
1. This woman accidently rang my doorbell last week. 2. I meet this same woman at the b-day party on Saturday night. She recognized me. And, she turns out to be African friend's boss at one of his jobs. Me and this lady talked for a good while before we finally left to go dancing. 3. We go out dancing and he's flirting all over the place...so am I for that matter. 4. Monday night, I get home from work at about 10:30p...and guess who arrives exactly at the same time? Yes, the boss lady again. 5. African friend comes upstairs to answer the door in nothing but a bath towel! 6. I said hello to the boss lady, but African friend didn't see me cuz he'd already headed back downstairs. 6. Boss lady doesn't leave until the wee hours of the morning.
Now you tell me what's going on there? Gee, glad I wasn't interested in anything serious. That could have been a major mind f*ck right there. 8)
On another note, I'm going to someone's b-day party tonight. Going with Joe, my African friend. He seems to be trying to get in my pants already... :roll: Then again, maybe he was sincere when he said that he "liked me" over the phone.
Anywho, I'm not interested at the moment anyway. He's nice looking and everything, but I just am not even looking for a relationship right now. [b]I don't want anything to do with anyone. [/b]So, I let him know after he asked me the other night if I had "found a friend" here in Pittsburgh. He seems cool with that.
I'm hoping I have a good time. I'm also hoping that this lady who's giving the party has some good alcohol. I need to let it all, well maybe not all, hang out for a minute.
I gave him everything I had to give. Now I don't have anything left for anyone else...not even myself.
I've never been here before, in a place so cold. I know what it is now to feel nothing. Where my love used to run so deep, now there's nothing. It's like walking into an apartment you just moved out of and remembering how it used to look, but the emptiness still slaps you in the face.
Is it possible to be able to literally feel one of your defensive walls? I can. It's a brand new one, and when I bump into it, it still surprises me.
I can feel it in my conversations when I reach that point. I cannot break it down. I'm afraid all this pain I've had to deal with will rush out and make a fool of me.
I think I'm in trouble here. I honestly cannot help it. I may have written it before, but it's these times when I really can feel separation between body and soul. I get so weary, but this body keeps on.
I cannot seem to get out of this depression. It's like trying to jump start a dead car. But this body keeps on trying all by itself. Last night I had a dream about him. I dreamed that I found him staying in this room in a big house. He wasn't there, so I waited and talked with other people in the house. He got back and was glad to see me. He hugged me, and whispered in my ear for the first time that he loved me. And I said I loved him too.
This dream felt so good in my sleep, and I was thinking of it when I woke up today. I am so afraid. My dreams are better than my reality. I cannot seem to move on. I don't want to. He was everything I wanted in a man. Being with him made me happy.
Now I totally understand what is happening with Whitney Houston. Everyone's like, why would she destroy herself for someone like Bobbi? Why does she stay with him? Blah, blah, blah. I know why.
These fantasies of mine, even when I'm not conscious, are keeping me going.
I am still a woman after all. My belly aches, and I reach for Tylenol. But barring the need to rhyme, I actually take Advil for almost every pain I need to kill.
Well, they'll stone ya when you're trying to be so good, They'll stone ya just a-like they said they would. They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to go home. Then they'll stone ya when you're there all alone. But I would not feel so all alone, Everybody must get stoned.
Well, they'll stone ya when you're walkin' 'long the street. They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to keep your seat. They'll stone ya when you're walkin' on the floor. They'll stone ya when you're walkin' to the door. But I would not feel so all alone, Everybody must get stoned.
They'll stone ya when you're at the breakfast table. They'll stone ya when you are young and able. They'll stone ya when you're tryin' to make a buck. They'll stone ya and then they'll say, "good luck." Tell ya what, I would not feel so all alone, Everybody must get stoned.
Well, they'll stone you and say that it's the end. Then they'll stone you and then they'll come back again. They'll stone you when you're riding in your car. They'll stone you when you're playing your guitar. Yes, but I would not feel so all alone, Everybody must get stoned.
Well, they'll stone you when you walk all alone. They'll stone you when you are walking home. They'll stone you and then say you are brave. They'll stone you when you are set down in your grave. But I would not feel so all alone, Everybody must get stoned.
Thank G*d it's Friday again. This week passed by pretty quickly. Here I thought I wasn't going to have to be required to be on the computer ever again, and I'm in another computer class. It's only for a couple of days, though. So, I guess I can stand it. Only as long as I get to blog more!
I really wish I had more time to sit down and read other blogs, too. I miss that. Oh well.
School at this point is a necessary evil, and I'm tired of typing about it...so what else to talk about?
I didn't get to go out dancing last weekend with my African friend from downstairs, but he did bring me dinner yesterday .. :D .. It was soooo gooood!!!! African food is always tasty.
I am still incredibly tired all the time, but that's okay since I feel like I actually accomplish things during the daytime now.
Work is okay. At least I'm getting better at rolling out and shaping dough...*why do I have a feeling this is moving right back toward talking about school?*
...no, I will resist.
Well, I might as well just say that my trying to be a more open, out-going person is not working out as well as I'd like. It sounds terrible, but sometimes I really just don't like people. That's one simple pleasure I'd like to have, but I just don't...I just don't get that much enjoyment from interacting with "The Others".
On a slightly different note, is it just me, or does it seem that people have gotten a bit more shallow all of a sudden?
I mean, I was just watching this story on the history channel about a killer who escaped to France, and then was returned to the U.S. to later stand trial and be found guilty. Well, the trial happened in c.a. 1999, but the actual crime was several years older. The news folks in France were out getting "public opinion" about whether France should send this guy back to the U.S. to stand trial. Do you know this French guy off the street actually said something like, "I don't know, it's so old, and he only killed one person."
...only one person?
Sometimes I think I just don't understand people anymore. Or maybe I never did?
